I am home. The thought is both terrifying and exhilarating. The realisation that I have chosen to remain in one region and call it mine is bewildering. Already my fingers itch to try new things, new horizons, new views upon the world. I think I am afraid. Perhaps it is the ultimate fear of mortality that paralyses me as I realise that for every day I stay, I lose the experience - the beauty - that just might be waiting for me elsewhere.
Ghosts surround me. There is the ghost of the friend whose daily company and wisdom I shall not now enjoy. Her laughter echoes around me while visions of her table, spread with paints and pages waiting to be filled, taunt me silently. I see the bright warmth of her home, feel the textures of wood and clay, imagine the stories she tells of her students as they learn and grow, making astonishing, sometimes unexpected leaps of insight, compassion and skill.
The thrill of distinct seasons, in all their harsh and sometimes painful glory, now eludes me, fading further into the distance. But even as they recede I see instead the improbable wonder of pelicans and dolphins, and am astonished to know that these remain to me. This wealth is mine. I cannot know every sunrise, every experience, every opportunity. But I can be astonished by the act of being and by the deep, wordless gladness of my life.
Ghosts surround me. There is the ghost of the friend whose daily company and wisdom I shall not now enjoy. Her laughter echoes around me while visions of her table, spread with paints and pages waiting to be filled, taunt me silently. I see the bright warmth of her home, feel the textures of wood and clay, imagine the stories she tells of her students as they learn and grow, making astonishing, sometimes unexpected leaps of insight, compassion and skill.
The thrill of distinct seasons, in all their harsh and sometimes painful glory, now eludes me, fading further into the distance. But even as they recede I see instead the improbable wonder of pelicans and dolphins, and am astonished to know that these remain to me. This wealth is mine. I cannot know every sunrise, every experience, every opportunity. But I can be astonished by the act of being and by the deep, wordless gladness of my life.