It is a wonderful and humbling thing to observe this increasing evidence of social consciousness and global compassion. And a dose of sheer, genuine gratitude in recognition of our privilege and blessings is a beautiful thing. Hopefully it is also an energising, motivating and inspiring thing. Yet I don't seem to be hearing much about gratitude. What I hear rather more often is a kind of self-inflicted guilt trip about why we should feel grateful and why we shouldn't complain about anything because anything less than catastrophe is hardly worth even considering.
Isn't it? Is our pain and worry meaningless, illegitimate, invalid? Have we no right to it at all? Should we consider anything above the farthest reaches of experience to be so immensely privileged that we should never aspire to more? At least not while there is anyone who has less than we currently enjoy? And is it even possible to "rank" or "quantify" pain according to an arbitrary scale of legitimacy as we so often seem to be doing? Let us take, for example, just a few experiences that may engage us at some point. For the sake of simplicity, let us also assume that they are mutually exclusive, which, of course, they never are:
* Terminal illness
* Domestic violence
* Chronic pain / illness / disability
* Addiction
* Overwork / "soul destroying" work
* Being trapped in the wrong body
* Overwhelming grief at the loss of a child / parent / partner / pet
* Being denied, for religious, cultural, economic or other reasons the only life that ever meant anything
* Inability to find a reason to get up in the morning
The person who has lost the love of their life may look at the person suffering addiction and say "You created your own problems. I didn't." The person suffering addiction might then turn around and say, "You know, I really don't remember ever deciding, 'Guess what? I'm going to pursue a life of addiction. That sounds like a good thing to do to me.' And, by the way, if you are suffering grief, that means that you had someone in your life who cared about you. I'm never likely to be in your position because I've never had anyone in my life to lose."
When I look at you, I may have no frame of reference for your pain. I may only hear you talk about your frustrated desire to remodel your kitchen and I may not understand. It may seem trivial or meaningless to me. I could criticise you for it and tell you that you have no right to complain. Will that help? Will it decrease your experience of pain to compare yourself with others and find yourself wanting? Will it increase your inner well of spontaneous gratitude or create anything new that is good or beautiful?
Or I could trust that the universe knows what it's doing. I could trust that, even if I don't understand it, nothing is ever wasted. Pain is a strong motivator; it drives us to evaluate where we are and seek a creative way forward to reduce or eliminate it, and even better, to create new possibilities for ourselves and for others. If I accept that comparisons are indeed odious and that your pain is far deeper than I may see or know, then I can encourage you to do everything in your means to increase your sum of happiness.
Who knows what might happen as a result? Since genuine joy is never materialistic or empty or trivial, what may spring from your pursuit of happiness? After all, what are known to be the greatest Indicators of longevity, health and productivity? The world turns on and is transformed by: love, connection, laughter, a sense of purpose and meaning.
What happens if we lose the measuring scale, the one we use as a large stick with which to beat ourselves? What happens if instead we set out to do everything possible to increase the sum of true joy in the world? That may start with something as "selfish" and as "trivial" as more sleep, time and space for ourselves, a new kitchen, feeling good about the way we look. But, if we genuinely seek to reduce our pain then we will not long be satisfied with mere pleasure and distraction. Our quest for happiness will propel us forward on the path that inexorably leads to happiness and fulfilment, sparkle and an appetite for life. If we accept the validity of all that we are, experience and feel, we may indeed discover that anything is possible. The stars - and the world - are waiting for us.